six months later

Wow--it's been awhile! Thanks to my lovely wife for posting the last couple of blogs for us. It's amazing how time flies by.

A couple of weeks ago, we had a chance to reflect as Cayla turned a half-year old! It was fun to think about our journey as parents and the emotional highs and lows we've experienced together. We often think about something that happened at church a couple of months before Cayla was born, something I don't think we've told anybody.

Toward the end of the service, Leah suddenly began feeling very anxious about the pregnancy. It really wasn't like her and she mentioned to me that she wanted us to receive prayer. On this particular morning, there were people available to pray with anybody who wanted it, so Leah and I made our way over to two women on the prayer team. As Leah explained her feelings, I could sense she was very unsettled. Suzanne Vogel began to pray for us, and after a couple of minutes, she asked Leah if any pictures came into her mind. Leah said she had pictured herself rocking Cayla to sleep. Suzanne then shared that during the prayer, she felt pretty clearly that the Lord was saying to us, "I chose you." We really didn't think too much about this at the time, but Leah had a sense of peace after the prayer.

It was about six months ago when we received the news that our girl had Down syndrome, and we've often thought about that day at church and those words from Suzanne. A lot has happened in six months with Cayla. We had two or three really tough days early on. Really tough. Yet when I think back, I'm amazed at how quickly we moved from those feelings of disappointment to acceptance and even excitement. I truly believe God was with us in a special way those first weeks. I really don't know how else to explain going from where we were at emotionally that first night to where we were just a few days later. 

I don't want to give the wrong idea--there are still tough days. The night we found out six months ago, we knelt in the living room and prayed through tears that we'd be able to let go of our own desires for who she would be and accept whatever came. The truth is, we've actually prayed that same prayer two or three other times since then, too. The hard days are when we see her delays in growth. It's hard when she's not giving out smiles to the many well-meaning people that talk to her. It's hard thinking about her being in 7th grade. It's hard not knowing who to tell when we meet someone for the first time. "This is our daughter Cayla. She has Down syndrome," doesn't seem right. We're learning as we go. 

But God has been faithful to us. He has given us hearts that love this little girl so much! She has brought so much laughter to our lives and we can't imagine not having her. The odds were 1 in 1000 that our daughter would have Down syndrome. That's a .1% chance. But after just over six months with her, we know one thing--chance had nothing to do with it. We were chosen to raise this little girl. The One who formed her chose us. And we are loving it.