a challenging july

July is over and we are done with the toughest month we've ever had with Cayla. I guess it has helped us realize how good we've had it with her so far. This is a long one.

At one point early on I remember writing that we were happy that Cayla was throwing food off of her tray because it was her way of communicating with us that she didn't like something. Well, let's just say Cayla communicated much more than we'd like in July with regards to food preferences. She also had a phase where she really enjoyed throwing her cup after drinking it. (We switched to a regular open-lid cup to help decrease her spit-ups). The cup-throwing is annoying when it it's empty; frustrating when it still has milk in it. There were many meals she did both of these things. Sometimes repeatedly.

We've tried many things to keep her from doing these things. For example, we've tried flicking her hand and saying, "No throw food!" sternly. Well, turns out she is tougher than Rocky Balboa. Her pain tolerance is seriously through the roof. The finger flicks and slaps on the hand just haven't fazed her much. We do it to ourselves to see if we're being too wimpy with her and think, how can that not sting her? There have been times when one of us raised our voice and tried to explain what she did wrong only to find Cayla cracking up. Hmmm. Not exactly the response we were going for, Cayla. How about some remorse?

The really frustrating times have been when she repeats something immediately after we've just disciplined her for it. Example: Cayla throws cup. Milk goes everywhere. One of us tells her what she did wrong sternly and then flicks her wrist. We give her another chance and the first thing she does is throw it again. The worst night was when she did it four times. Yes, I'm probably an idiot for continuing to give her the opportunity, but I just kept thinking, how is it possible that this concept cannot get through to her? How can she continue to throw the cup?!?! For sure the next time she'd avoid tossing it and I could praise her. Nope. I remember sitting there with my head in my hands after the fourth time in complete frustration.

Some of you might be thinking, welcome to the "Terrible Twos." And you might be right. One of our challenges is knowing how much of her behavior is just normal toddler stuff and how much is due to her increased stubbornness from having Down Syndrome. I think the biggest frustration is just the feeling that she is incapable of learning right from wrong as quickly as we'd like.

Another frustration has been spit-ups. She continues to do this regularly. Which stinks. Literally. Our carpet is not good. I'm a firm believe in the 5-second rule but if I dropped a piece of my favorite pizza and I was starving I still wouldn't eat it off of our carpet. We can't wait to have our carpets deep-cleaned but it's going to have to wait until Cayla stops spitting up. We pretty much have a washcloth handy right after meals. We don't know the cause so there's nothing we can do. We've tried different milks, no milk, new cups, etc. The worst part is that I sometimes find myself getting frustrated with her when there's nothing she can do about it. Something isn't right in her stomach and it just comes out. She's just listening to her body. I have to remind myself that she's not doing it to spite us or because there are a couple spots on the carpet she hasn't "got to" yet.

Silver lining:

*she hasn't thrown her cup in almost a week!!! We are so pumped! People with young kids--don't take it for granted that your kid doesn't throw food or drinks! We don't know which aspect of discipline has helped her get over the hump, but we're so thankful!

*food tossing is getting better this past week. I don't think there were any today!

*she is sooooooo sweet and despite all the frustrations, she continues to steal our hearts. Her looks. Her actions. Her kisses. Her dancing. Her giggles. The trials are nothing compared to hearing her laugh. The frustrations are forgotten the moment she pets your face.

*when things get really hard, God provides the peace and perspective that sustains us. We are reminded that He chose us to raise this girl, and she has stolen His heart. We are humbled that the Creator of all things would let us have this responsibility. We are blessed, indeed.