the good, the bad, and the ugly

"A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor." --anonymous

THE GOOD

It's hard to believe Eliana has been with us for almost five weeks now. She has been an incredible baby so far, sleeping well, giving a few smiles, and generally being fairly content. She is also developing a pretty tough jaw, to use boxing terms. More on that later.

Really, our only issue with Eliana is that she seems to think it's funny to poop again immediately after we have just changed her diaper. Last night, she went through four diapers before Leah could even get her off the changing table. I wouldn't be surprised if we hear her chuckling some time just as we button up her onesie after changing her. I can picture Leah and I looking at each other with defeated expressions as we wait for the inevitable and start reaching for another diaper.

THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Let's just say June has been a difficult month. I agree with those who believe going from 1 to 2 children is tougher than 0 to 1. Add to that an older sibling who is in the middle of the "Terrible Twos" and special needs and it is a perfect storm for a challenging time.

We suspected Cayla would have difficulty adapting to a family of four. She has been our princess without ever having to share the throne. She often struggles with how to handle her frustrations. Sometimes when she's angry she will hit herself in the face because she doesn't know what else to do at the moment. Unfortunately, this has turned into aggression towards Eliana.

Since Eliana entered the house, Cayla has experienced some changes:

*her sleeping pattern can be affected by Eliana.

*less attention for her. That means less book-reading. That means sometimes when she wants to be held we have to say no. That means other people are coming and loving on somebody else.

*more affection on somebody else. There is somebody else getting the focus of our sweet talk, somebody else who is also a "pretty girl," and somebody else who has priority over her when Eliana is hungry.

It's funny but sometimes we feel guilty when we speak lovingly to Eliana. I've often looked over my shoulder to see if Cayla was around before loving on her with sweet words.

It's fair to say that we have underestimated how tough it would be on Cayla. Her jealousy and frustrations have come out in ugly ways. Cayla has kicked, hit, slapped, and grabbed the face of Eliana far too many times to count. She can be so sweet at times, kissing Eliana and smiling, but then suddenly will grab her face, causing Eliana to scream bloody murder. Like I mentioned before, Eliana is getting to be a tough girl.

It doesn't seem like anything we do is working. We feel powerless to prevent her from doing it unless we keep them separated. We don't want to have to do that. We want to be able to have Eliana on the floor and trust Cayla to be around her. It's not fun walking on eggshells when Cayla is near her and waiting for the inevitable slap. All we can do is stay consistent and keep praying that Eliana would look less and less appealing as a punching bag.

Yet, we are believing that Cayla will grow out of it and be a great big sister. We remind ourselves that if the valleys are deep, we will appreciate the mountains that much more. When I get really frustrated and even resentful towards the way Cayla's Down Syndrome affects her with Eliana, I picture days in the future and it helps me cope.

I picture Cayla taking care of Eliana and loving on her. Feeding her. Holding her when she is crying. I picture the two of them hugging and laughing. Watching movies together. I picture them holding hands as they walk somewhere. I picture Eliana stopping to say hi to Cayla in high school. I can see them with ice cream mustaches together. I picture the two of them playing practical jokes on their parents. Or rolling their eyes together at one of my bad jokes. And it makes me smile. And there are times when I really need to smile right now.

Thank you so much for the people that have come to see Eliana for the first time and have made a special point to make sure you give lots of attention to Cayla, too. Our next post will have lots of pictures, I promise!