Eliana Lynn celebrated her first birthday a while back. It was such a great day. Many family members were able to come and hang out with us on a very hot day and that was fun. Leah planned yard games for the kids. Uncle Dave grilled teriyaki chicken wings and hot dogs on the grill (I am a grill novice compared to Maestro Dave). I cleaned the garage out just good enough to put a few tables in there. Meanwhile, the decorative birthday “curtains” succeeded in both jobs: add some creative flavor to the garage and cover up what I didn’t get cleaned behind them. Kids laughed. People shared life. Leah’s awesome cake was devoured happily. And Eliana was celebrated.
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| impressive cake, Leah! |
And yet, I was surprised at how I felt as I reflected on Eliana turning one. I was struck by the fact that she has received so much less from Leah and I than she deserves. She was turning one and I thought about how many times we’ve been able to just enjoy a night playing with her and loving on her and just observing her and her alone. In twelve months, that really hadn’t happened much. Maybe it’s part of being the younger sibling, but I’m guessing those of you who have children with special needs can possibly relate to this a little more.
The fact is, Cayla demands a lot from us--whether it’s helping her eat, working with her to improve her development, or the nearly non-stop discipline she requires from us. Eliana simply isn’t a squeaky wheel. Put a few pieces of food on her tray, and she happily feeds her face during meals. She can wander in to any toy area and find something to stimulate her with no help. She doesn’t want us to show her how it goes because she’s already trying to figure it out. She hardly ever needs discipline. And unfortunately, it’s easy for her to get lost in the shuffle.
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| Cayla wanted both chairs... |
Eliana is a name that Leah felt strongly about. Okay, she was pretty much adamant about it. It means “my God has answered”. We began praying for Cayla’s sibling in the first few months after she was born. We knew she would need a special little brother or sister. This sibling would deal with kids making fun of Cayla. This sibling would need to take care of Cayla even though they were younger. They would need to be strong and compassionate and probably more mature than their years.
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When we got pregnant, we were very excited. (Should I mention that at this time Cayla was still a really easy child?) However, God had different timing in mind for us, and we miscarried. There will be another Garland sibling waiting to meet the girls in heaven. So when we became pregnant again, we had a little more trepidation this time. We were cautiously excited. And there was always that issue in the back of our minds--what if this one was also born with Down syndrome? We knew God wouldn’t give us more than we could handle, but we were very honest in our prayers--we weren’t so sure we had it in us.
And so Eliana arrived over a year ago, and yes, there was a shared sigh of relief. A year later, we love her big, toothy smile and easy way with Cayla. We love her independence and determination. She is starting to sing a little bit--it is such a sweet sound and makes us smile. Her dancing is adorable and she has a soft spot for babies. She is quite fearless and thinks she can climb anything. She grabs a book and slowly backs her way onto your lap sometimes. Or looks up at you and reaches for your hand to lead you somewhere to play. She says, “La La!” when she wants to find Cayla. We love her so much and can’t wait to see what kind of person she becomes! Eliana, we know you have been slighted with the amount of attention you’ve received from us, and we are so sorry. You are everything we dreamed and prayed for, and Eliana, your name is perfect.
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| First steps and running ever since |
1 comment:
This is an issue we have struggled with a lot over the years. Having three children with different degrees of special needs has us constantly questioning ourselves and the quality of our parenting. Rylee being the least severe often gets the short end of the stick. Then when Luke was born and so sick and in and out of the hospital, it happen to coincide with Jake's development slowing down and his mental retardation diagnosis. But, what my children have taught me is that just like God chooses the parents for his special angels, he also chooses the siblings. My kids teach eachother and us so much about love, life, compassion and family. At times it is hard to see and as a parent it is a battle but your little Ana will learn so much from her big sis and you. She will know what uncnditional love is and see a strength that many will never have the privilage to witness. Rylee is wise beyond her years, she understands that sometimes her brothers are not nice and need more help, but that is okay because they are her brothers and do not mean or understand what they do sometimes. And when she sits and holds Luke seizing telling him "it's okay buddy, come on, come out of it, you are okay." then hugs him and gives me a thumbs up when he comes out of it, tears come to my eyes. Words cannot express the understanding she has and the LOVE she feels for her brothers despite all the obstacles. It is hard not to mourn the lost time and question what is right. But knowing that this is our family and the privilage we have to watch their relationship grow and the character and heart of our children that comes from eachother is a beautiful thing :).
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