When Eliana Disobeyed

Eliana disobeyed me the other night. It was pretty blatant. There was no misunderstanding what I asked, no muddy water, no new vocabulary that she may not have known. It was clear. And she flat out disobeyed her father without a shred of remorse in her little body. What did I do? 

Well, to be honest, my eyes misted over a bit.

Some context is probably in order, I suppose. The location of this disobedience took place in Cayla’s room. Specifically, the deed occurred on Cayla’s bed, which is the bottom bunk. The top bunk may some day be Ana’s bed. For now? Everybody needs extra storage.

Cayla, the previously mentioned big sister, had just fallen asleep, wearing her unpopular sleep apnea device and laying on her stomach. Eliana decided that she wanted to climb up on the bed, too. At times she has crawled up and hunkered down at the foot of the bed. Not this time. This time she kept moving toward Cayla. She eventually found the spot she wanted and plopped down. 

It was right next to Cayla.

Ana ended up on her stomach in a little gap between Cayla and the pillow we put against the wall--she fit there perfectly. It was incredibly adorable and I couldn’t help but smile. But then came the kicker: she put her little left arm around Cayla’s back and left it there. I don’t know what it was exactly about that gesture but I soon found myself thinking back over the past couple of years. 

I thought about the countless times Leah or I had left the girls alone for a few seconds to run somewhere in the house only to hear baby Eliana screaming at the top of her lungs a few seconds later. We would run back into the living room to find Cayla looking guilty and claw marks all over Ana’s face, who was too young to protect herself.

I thought about Cayla almost successfully pushing Ana down the stairs. I thought about all the other times Ana had taken a punch, pinch, trip, kick, shove, or scratch from her big sis over the past couple of years. 

I thought about the times we’ve poured out our hearts to God that these girls would have a special bond. That Ana and Cayla would play together, laugh together, and develop a deep love for each other. And man, there have been times I wondered if I would ever see these prayers answered. I’ve struggled with doubt more the past two years than I ever have in my life.

But my God is a faithful God. He has heard these prayers. He has always heard these prayers. He has heard them when my hands were on my head in frustration. He has heard them through gritted teeth of anger. When I’ve silently pouted, He has heard them. And He knew what would be coming--I was just too impatient to wait.

So she lay there loving on Cayla despite everything that had happened to her.

I knew I should put Ana in her crib, so I reached down after a few minutes and said, “Ana, it’s time to go to your crib now.”

“No, Daddy,” came the quiet response. This was an act of disobedience that made my heart melt. She had no intention of leaving her side. I was going to have to pull her off of her sister kicking and screaming. 

God has never left our side, though at times in my impatience I have allowed myself to doubt His plan. Who am I to doubt God? And yet He reminds me through a small figure on a bed hugging a slightly larger figure that He is never leaving our side, either.

There are times when I need a singular event to remind me that progress is happening. This was it. There are exciting things happening with the Garland girls. They often give each other hugs and sing silly songs together. They chase each other from room to room and sometimes wrestle together. We have even heard them cracking each other up. There is nothing better to me than hearing these girls making each other laugh. Things we’ve heard lately:

“Ana, I missed you.”

“Cayla!! Cayla home!”

“I love you. I love my sister!”

“She’s funny!”

So yeah, I let my child disobey me the other night.  And I might just do it again.