"Maybe she will look like you, talk like you, smile like you... maybe she'll sing, paint, or dance like you... but she'll dream her very own dreams. You cannot give her her dreams for those will be hers alone."
We read these words on a card from our Uncle Tom and Aunt Jana recently. When they picked out the card, they couldn't have known just how true those words would be. You cannot give her her dreams for those will be hers alone.
For nine months we waited to meet our little girl. I wrote a few weeks ago that it was like waiting for Christmas to arrive. We knew we had a gift, we just didn't know exactly what it (she) would look like. Two weeks ago we welcomed Cayla into our family. One week ago we found out how special our gift is when she was diagnosed with Down Syndrome.
She'll dream her very own dreams.
Last Tuesday was a tough day. When I walked in the door Leah met me in the kitchen. I knew she'd been crying and I knew what she was about to tell me. A week before, nurses had noticed certain characteristics about Cayla and had mentioned these concerns to our doctor. He encouraged us to have a blood test done. It would take a week for the results to come back. In the mean time, we spent the first few days welcoming family and friends while wondering if she had Downs or not. By the weekend, we had convinced ourselves that she did not have it. At the end of the day last Tuesday, Leah called me at school and said she really needed me to come home soon. I told myself maybe it was for another reason until I walked in the door.
We shared some long hugs and quite a few tears Tuesday. We grieved a few things that night, mainly the loss of our dreams for her. We realized she would not be able to do some of the things we'd imagined. We realized that we could not give her our own dreams (for those will be hers alone).
Yet even in our tears, we thanked God for giving Cayla to us. We prayed that we'd be good parents for her. That we'd love her well. We prayed that she would be a source of Joy for us and for others. We prayed for strength.
Cayla's been with us for two weeks now. We can't believe how much we've come to love her already! It's hard for us to put her down and even her stinky gas is adorable. We love her little noises. We can't wait for the first laugh, the first steps, the first day of school. God is already answering our prayers (her heart is strong!) and getting us excited for the journey ahead. Our family and friends have been amazing and we know how fortunate we are! We look forward to sharing her with you as she grows up!
"But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says do not be afraid
The Voice of Truth says this is for my glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth."
--Voice of Truth, Casting Crowns
*this song was important to me those first few days of struggling to accept it.
12 comments:
Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
All are precious in His sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world.
You are two of the most absolutely amazing people. You are the most caring, compassionate, and positive people I have ever met. I know that you will be wonderful parents. No matter what hurdles you face, you will get through it! God has chosen your path very precisely. I know that you will continue to travel that path with great pride. I have tears in my eyes after reading your tender and loving words. Cayla is a beautiful baby that is lucky to call you her parents. She will have BIG dreams, and you both will be by her side or standing behind her to cheer her on. You have great families and friends (if I do say so myself ) that will do anything for your blossoming family. I can’t wait until we meet again. Until then, I am loving your blogs. Cayla is growing and changing so much everyday. You have been in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you!
-T & T Kamp
I can't see what I'm typing, they are tears of hapiness guys! I have cared for quite a few special babies like Cayla with Bethany. I remember each one. They are such wonderfull bundles, so full of love, so soon. I heard a Dobson talk just last week , the week we were all praying for you guys. It was an awesome interview about a coach who had a downs son. The story was great but what I remembered most was that his son told his dad everyday that he loved him. Wow! God put you 2 special people together for many reasons, one being that you are blessed to care for Cayla, it takes special parents and God knew you were them. We will continue our prayers, Congrats to the both of you, God's blessing, your gift!
I wanted to share a story with you guys as it's something that really touched me and I won't ever forget:
I worked with a man named Paul. He is close to 60 now. When he was born and throughout his life until he was near the age of 25, he lived what's considered a "normal" life. Then, he went to fight in the Vietnam war. When he came back to the states years later, he wasn't the same. He was effected so severely mentally, he was not able to live by himself or complete daily living activities on his own. He lives in assisted living housing here in Marshalltown and was volunteering at my place of work. I'd arrive at work early some mornings in late winter to get a head start on the day and Paul would be there waiting in his car in the parking lot. I didn't know how long he'd been there or ask what he was doing. I thought maybe he just didn't know what time the doors unlocked and waited for me to get there with a key. Finally after a few weeks of this I asked him, "Paul, do you need someone to let you in earlier? It's awful cold to be sitting in your car." He said back to me in a curious tone, "It's just so beautiful behind the building in the mornings." And that was all he said. Now, I'd been working at MICA for nearly two years by this time and never once did I notice what was behind the building. So I looked that night after work. This is what I saw: a field. An open field with dry old corn stalks smashed to the ground. That's what he thought was so beautiful in the mornings and sat in his car to see each day in the freezing cold? Yes, this was what he thought was so beautiful in the mornings that he'd sit in his car for nearly 20 minutes in the cold and simply look at. Paul had the ability to see something I could not and appreciate something I could not. God brought Paul in my life to teach me many things in the year that we worked together. But, I truly won't forget the sight of him in his car in the cold hours before the work day began just looking out at the open field appreciating its beauty. What an amazing gift Paul gave to me that day.
I know that Cayla Joy herself is an amazing gift to each of us for she'll teach us many many things. Simply to appreciate the true beauty of another day, an open field, whatever it may be. She's a marvel...and so cute! I love the bath time photos!
One more thing before I go. Do you guys remember Natalie Merchant? Well, she was/is one of my favorite singers. I used to listen to this song all the time, but I heard it on the radio recently and TRULY listened. The lyrics are amazing and when I looked them up, I was able to watch the video too. It features a girl with down's syndrome.
"WONDER" by Natalie Merchant
Doctors have come from distant cities just to see me
Stand over my bed disbelieving what they're seeing
They say I must be one of the wonders of God's own creation
and as far as they can see they can offer no explanation
Newspapers ask intimate questions
want confessions
they reach into my head to steal the glory of my story
They say I must be one of the wonders of God's own creation
and as far as they as they see they can offer no explanation
I believe fate smiled & destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith she'll make her way"
People see me I'm a challenge
to your balance
I'm over your heads
how I confound you and astound you
to know I must be one of the wonders of God's own creation
and as far as you can see you can offer me no explanation
I believe fate smiled & destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as she came to my mother
"know this child will not suffer "
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she'll make her way"
We love you,
Britt, John and Avery (and baby #2)
We love you Leah and are so anxious to meet Jarod and Cayla Joy! He is a double-blessed man to have the both of you. Bring them to Raleigh so we can teach them boththe finer things like real BBQ and grits!
Love ya
Dave & Willie (and Samson)
Wow! Thanks for the messages, everybody! We appreciate all the encouraging words so much. Britt, that is an incredible story, thanks so much for sharing! And I'm definitely going to find that song.
Dave & Willie, I haven't even met you but I'm all about BBQ and grits! We'll hold you to that offer some day! Leah speaks so highly of her time in Raleigh so thanks for being part of it!
Jerod
What a beautiful way to share your thoughts. Your peace from the LORD is obvious. The LORD blessed you with Cayla because HE chose you to be just the right Daddy & Mommy for her.
She's such a beautiful, sweet little peanut all bundled up in her blanky ... and I'm pretty sure that she is smiling already. I love your little Cayla-angel so much ~ I'm so thankful to be a part of your lives.
I used to only think of I Corinthians 13 as scripture for a wedding/marriage; but the LORD has shown me over the years how it is His love letter to us. It is also how we are to love others.
"...Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..."
So to precious Cayla Joy:
You are loved. You are made exactly the way GOD created you. Right down to every sweet detail. You are loved by the LORD of Heaven & Earth. You are loved by your Daddy & Mommy. You are loved by so many family & friends. You are beautiful. You are precious. You make our hearts leap with delight. You are loved.
Blessings,
Rainey
Beautiful, just beautiful!
What an honor to be a part of such an amazing family!
Much love and hugs to you all~
She is absolutely perfect in every way! She is a beautiful little squishy pink baby! I love babies. Oh I love her already and I haven't even met her!! Praise God for sweet, sweet Cayla Joy!
Jer-Bob! It's Rachel Swanson from Central. Man, reading about your struggles in accepting the fact that your child has special needs brings so many memories back to me. Our older child, Lucy, has some physical special needs - dealing with them has not been easy, but I am reminded again and again that God chose her for us, and us for her.
I wrote this when she was 5 days old...
Dear Lucy,
As I sit at your bedside today, you, my beautiful 5 day old daughter, I think of your father.
I think of your father, Lucy, the man who held my hand tightly as we saw your tiny, twinkling, blinking heart on the ultrasound screen next to the very small, still body of your twin.
I think of your father, Lucy, the man who let me sob on his shoulder after the doctor told us you had a fatal birth defect. I looked outside her office on that grady day, my tears mixing with his as our dreams for you fell apart.
I think of yor father, Lucy, the man who refused to end the life of a child he may hold for only a few minutes after birth as she took her last breaths.
I think of your father, Lucy, the man who cried tears of joy as you entered this world, sputtering and coughing, the heavens opening up and shining on the 3 of us as you were bundled up and carted away for surgery.
I think of your father, Lucy, the man who called me with a quavering voice, telling me you had made it hrough perfectly. We cried together.
I think of your father, Lucy, a man who knows what is right and does it, who stands up against the evils in this world, who leans on his faith in God instead of the world's knowledge to give him what he need sto be the rock for his little family.
So, my little Lucy, when youd on't know what to do, when the world is telling you one thing and your convictions tell you another, just do what I do.
Think of your father.
********
Sounds like Cayla has that kind of a dad, too! ;)
Congratulations!
Dear Leah and Jerod,
You two are keeping your eyes on God, and when you do that you won't let the world drag you down. Thank you for YOUR encouragement to all who read your experience and learn to love your little Cayla. I wanted to add that I love that song by Casting Crowns as well. The words are so true. May we all help one another believe the words of truth.
Swanny! Good to hear from you!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and what you wrote--it was wonderful! Hope things are going well for you!
Thanks to everybody else for all the encouraging words. We are having SO MUCH FUN being with her!
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